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This piece will be tackling the topic of RESILIENCE. This is the third part of the article, which will be a little more on the personal side, rather than the informative side. It should help you understand how coping mechanisms are set up.
Last Updated on November 4, 2020 by ELLEASH
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You have been assigned this mountain to show others it can be moved.
Hey hey my lovely entrepreneurs,
In this post, I am peeling off, yet, another layer of who I am, to help you understand a little more about this theme RESILIENCE.
I would like to tell you a little bit more about how the tools, that I keep talking about, actually help you get through the cruel times in life and how they are often learned, or in my case rediscovered, throughout life.
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In my post from a few days back, I wrote that my Mom had lovingly given me these tools, through her constant benevolence, but more importantly because she is a Mom, and Moms know best!! HA!
So, my Mom handed me all of these coping mechanisms, that I had NFI I had, until I experienced the loss of someone I was very close to, and some of these tools enabled me to cope with this particular loss, move on and remain positive, and believe that life can still be spectacular.
All throughout my childhood and adolescence, I moved around a lot, due to my parents’ careers.
We lived in many countries, on different continents, and each time I would have to make new friends.
Some of these, I would meet up with again in the countries we were in, but pretty much out of sheer luck!
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Through these various moves, I had a constant small group of friends and somehow, we managed to stay in touch and retain our friendship, despite the distance and our life experiences.
One of those friends and I were high school sweethearts, but as we grew older, and with our high school years coming to an end, we decided that it was best to remain friends, rather than to try (and probably fail!) at a long-distance relationship.
I was truly amazed that we had managed to stay together that long without one of us having to be shipped off somewhere else!
The initiative came from him, but I understood it and to be honest, I was looking forward to my college years.
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Discovering new opportunities, new people, but also myself.
Who I really was, on my own, for the first time.
We kept in tight contact all throughout our college years. I knew about his ups and downs, as did he with mine.
Nevertheless, he had difficulties adjusting to being a young adult and taking on more life responsibilities.
I tried to accompany him throughout the various events that made his life just too hard for him, despite the distance.
He had a very tight-knit family, and they were very supportive of him, despite the fact that the way he chose to live his life, was completely opposite to how he had been brought up.
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I returned to France after my college years overseas, and I was happily enjoying the summer break and organizing the next few months, as in September I would be going to grad school.
I had caught up with my little group of school friends in July, and it was just like old times! Like when we were still in high school and life was just pink clouds!
One August morning, out of the blue, my high school sweetheart’s sister calls me up, completely panicked, and mumbling incoherent sentences about her brother.
My sweet sweet friend had decided that his life was no longer worth living, and upon one of his backpacking trips, he had left his family and his friends behind – forever.
This completely F***ed me over and it took me a really long time to process, understand and finally accept, that he was no longer coming to our little reunions, or life-events, ever again.
What really got me, was the guilt and the shame.
I had seen him in July, yet hadn’t seen this coming – at all.
The guilt I felt for not seeing the signs, for maybe being so wrapped up in my own life, to not see that he wasn’t doing as well as he showed me, was overwhelming.
The shame, because after all I had been his girlfriend for nearly 4 years, and I should’ve known something was not right, even if we were no longer a couple.
How could I have been so out of tune with his emotional turmoil??
But I hadn’t seen anything. Nada. Zilch.
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The point of my story here, is that I guess I was able to overcome this tragedy, because my Mom had given me the tools, to be able to process what the situation was, and to take baby steps towards not feeling so guilty.
To also not be ashamed by the emotions I was feeling, and to talk to someone about them.
These tools helped me grasp onto some of my optimism, that there were going to be better days, and to overcome the loss, because I was confident that I was going to get through this.
All of this, I didn’t know I had, until I came out of this fog, not quite whole, but not completely broken, but more importantly having learned that I was actually stronger than I thought, and I guess, resilient.
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Phew … this was quite an intimate reveal, but one that I thought was important to share with you.
Even if you feel that you are stagnating in a space that isn’t healthy, you can learn to fight the feeling of despair, with the right people who are going to teach you how, and to give you coping mechanisms to ensure you have all the tools to be (more) resilient.
This is also something that can be learned.
But I will talk about that later on.
In my next post, I am going to talk a little bit more about the factors outlined by the APA, and how they contribute to, and act towards markers of resilience.
Furthermore, how this can help your journey towards being more resilient in times of crisis.
Click here to go to PART 4.
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Elle Ash xo
